Sweet statutory! (Quickie)

Photo credit: Life &Style magazine

I was going to talk about the floodings in the South, but Justin Bieber just deleted his Instagram account after his Beliebers began harassing the girl whom he "likes." So I knew what I had to address.

Transporting a minor across state lines for illicit purposes is illegal. (Even with parental permission, which I assume she had, because Lionel Richie is the worst father ever. Seriously, his first daughter was a druggie.) And if Bieber isn't having sex with her right now, he will probably have sex with her in the next few weeks. Justin Bieber has become "that guy," though we all suspected that he would.

Meanwhile Selena's reaction is pretty damn weird. Her taunts seem to imply she isn't over that Canadian imp.

#TheDress #DaFuck

I saw this weird tweet and reference across the Internet when it happened. ISIS is beheading groups of people, and we need to stop everything to talk about this. It's a white and gold dress.

I think anyone who sees the dress for what it is is a damn liar. It's like when people find out how a magic trick is performed beforehand, then acts like it's plainly obvious how the magic trick is performed. (I'm looking at you, Justin Bieber.) In this picture, the dress is clearly white and gold. Perhaps in real life, this dress is blue and black--in the image, it is white and gold. The more you stare at it, you see shades of blue, yeah--like it's a white dress with a blue light on it.

There is a great scientific reason for why this dress can appear to be two radically different color schemes, but damnit, I don't understand it--and it's a white and gold dress! Get out of here, nerds!

Oh, but wouldn't it be great if this dress causes another civil war in America? All over a white and gold dress.