Ebola coming to America. "What can possibly go wrong?" asks every arrogant scientist in every science-fiction movie ever.

So the two Americans infected with Ebola are returning to America for treatment, and who would've thought that would be controversial? I mean, flying Ebola patients all around the world is how the planet of the apes got started. This is not a good precedent.

Shockingly very few people are talking about the late 90s hit "Outbreak," which is worth mentioning. This is one of the few instances where the media are showing restraint. "Outbreak" is an inaccurate depiction of a real Ebola outbreak. You have to be contaminated by bodily fluids; it is not as contagious as the flu, which has actually killed many more people. The fatality rate is 60%, which is less than 100%, so...yay? In Africa, there is a distrust of doctors and poor corpse handling procedures, which contribute to these outbreaks.

Still, I have the creepy suspicion that we're going to end up fighting genetically modified apes about ten years from now.

Gary Oldman--da fuck?

I wish I could say I wouldn't watch "Planet of the Apes." But I totally will. Because it's a movie about apes who ride horses into battle, firing a machine gun in each hand. Come on! And it's in 3D! I'm part Jewish, and...damnit, I'm still there!

 

In Oldman's recent Playboy interview, he defended Mel Gibson and bashed any number of things, including Nancy Pelosi and the rest of human society. Normally one of our most respected actors, I can only think he briefly forgot what interviews were.

 

Oldman thinks that every white guy has announced that he hopes his girlfriend gets raped by a bunch of niggers? Oh my God, what goes on at Gary Oldman's house? Oh, does Gary Oldman greet Jews by asking them: "Why are you starting all these wars? What the hell?" Then he waits patiently for a response. Because that's what we all do!

 

When you're famous, people will attack you--sometimes for asinine reasons. This must be incredibly infuriating, as people line up to take shots using their lack of information and intelligence. Whoopi Goldberg recently set the bar higher (or lower) by defending (guess who?) Mel Gibson. She also defended Roman Polanski, explaining that having sex with an intoxicated 13-year-old then telling her not to talk about it isn't really rape. Plus, being a Frenchmen, this was totally normally in his culture.

 

One has to respect Oldman for his commitment to his craft, and for his other comments, like pointing out that society is going to Hell. Kids are twerpish. The Golden Globes are overrated, but he used other words. And he knows some of his movies were crap.

 

Oldman, for all his classy outsiderness, lives in the celebrity bubble. When a celebrity attacks--anywhere in America--they rush to defend him! Hope he doesn't start defending Roman Polanski.