Okay, but Caityln Jenner does not look like a woman, right? (Or "She look...like-a man.")

Remember Ms. Swan from MadTV? That's some old-school racism! But, really, am I just crazy? Because I'm not seeing it. A guy will think Jenner is a woman if he's mentally challenged, in a bar, and it's dark, and he's drunk--and there are no other woman for immediate comparison. Then he will buy her a drink. I will not lie and say Jenner is attractive. I will not play along. I am not a hypocrite. I am a Jew-black guy who cannot become anything else--and neither can anyone else. You cannot change the ones and zeroes that make up the DNA that the Creator or nature gave you. Jenner is clearly a man who spent money to legally become a woman. Jenner does not look like a woman--science is not yet advanced enough to make a person look like the opposite sex, so 99% of the time you get an odd man-woman combination that's not realistically appealing to anybody who's free of a political agenda. Jenner looks like a transgender woman (or man--or whatever). (And, hey, femi-ninnies, we are not supposed to objective women, remember? Attempting to validate Jenner's appearance is sexist and wrong. And that's checkmate, ladies!)

What is unfortunate is that the ESPYs are giving Caitlyn Jenner their annual courage award, not the little girl who raised money for cancer victims. Of course, there's no better way for a little girl to learn the ropes of America than to get cheated out of something by a rich old white guy. (Oh, and Bruce Jenner won those Olympic medals fair and square. Rapists can keep their medals--transgender people can keep their medals too. Only cheaters should be stripped. And, believe me, no one wants to strip Jenner. Zing!)

Meanwhile, the Republican Jenner has benefitted from California and the news media's liberalism. Orange is the New Black actress Laverne Cox has claimed that calling a transgender person by the identity of their DNA, not the one of their choosing, is a "hate crime." No, Brandon Teena suffered a hate crime. Calling someone who is genetically a man "he" is just one belief system, but at least it's a belief system based on science, and some activists are trying to get us to ignore common sense, which I can never support. Laws can be passed to force us to let people choose whatever gender they feel like, and we should all follow the laws until they become too persecutorial, then civil disobedience will be called for, which neither side is ready to do.

Getting a sex change is not heroic. Bruce Jenner was an accomplished Olympian, businessman and motivational speaker--these things are at least interesting, if not necessarily heroic. Caitlyn Jenner is kinda a bitch who has accomplished nothing except showing fake tits. Caitlyn will have a few decades ahead to establish Caitlyn as a person of quality, but right now Caitlyn Jenner wants the limelight on Caitlyn Jenner. I will not entertain anyone in the Jenner or Kardashian family as an important person unless the title is for world's biggest fame whore.

So, is anyone in the media going to talk about Kylie Jenner's relationship with a grown-ass man? Is anyone going to talk about the possible case of vehicular manslaughter that Bruce caused JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO!?! (My controversial pet theory is that this change of assignment is to escape criminal charges, but I'm no lawyer.) Because GOOD JOB, MEDIA!

Ray Rice--hey, you ladies can change him!

Somewhere Solange Knowles is like "See! It's normally the other way around!" And it is. I'm starting to worry about successful black people fighting in elevators. Is that now going to be their thing? The new Captain America is black, so maybe that fight scene in Captain America 2 is a precursor or foreshadowing.

Feminists have been pushing for Rice's ouster since the YouTube video of him dragging his apparently unconscious fiancée earlier in the year and a lot of people are pointing out how disturbing the NFL's stance on tolerating domestic violence while condemning illegal drug use. What's disturbing is the NFL's long refusal to acknowledge that concussions are bad. (The sports broadcasters narrating the game shouldn't be yelling "Oh, boy, he got his bell rung!" but they should be asking: "Is he still alive?") That the NFL didn't fire Rice immediately--over a video--is not as bad. Marijuana is illegal, and although it clearly has some medicinal value and a person might be drugged or take it unknowingly, people choose to take the marijuana. When people are involved, things become more complicated. Relationships are complicated, and love doesn't necessarily make sense, especially outside the movies. When the victim isn't indicating that she (someday, he) is not a victim, what are we to do? What is the NFL supposed to do when a woman walks into a wall? Are the cops supposed to ignore the woman's wishes and do what the cops want--what would make us, as a society, feel better? The Rices did a lot to cover up the battery--as did, apparently, the courts and the league.

I do think it is safe to say that the NFL's stance on domestic violence is zero. However, there is and should be evidentiary issues when making a claim of domestic violence, and ending a man's career on a lie is always a plausibility. Having studied the media all these years, I have realized that not everything is as it appears. A picture says a thousands words, but it is up to the viewer to decode them. Janay might've been injured after he beat her or she might've been drunk or they both might've been drunk or she might've been dead this entire time--we do not know.

It turns out he totally decked her. She was lashing out at him, then he totally dropped that chick like McLovin in Superbad. That slug was nasty and excessive for the amount of energy the attacker had expunged on him. Really, he's the Israel of people. NOW we know what happened (or at least have a better idea)--why he was dragging her out of the elevator--and the question should be how much the NFL can enhance its previous two game suspension, for now he has truly embarrassed the league. A damn elevator cam stripped away their plausible deniability. Hey, maybe someone should've checked that cam when the first footage was exposed?

This leads us to why Janay doesn't just leave him. The first reason is the psycho-mumbo-jumbo that abused women have been brainwashed into believing that they can't leave their abuser, that their marital bonds are physical in nature--and that is a realistic interpretation of the situation. However, I think the more practical explanation is that Janay Rice enjoys being a football wife. The wives are her friends, and it is a world that will be denied to her if she doesn't stand by her man--she is not so much fighting for her husband's life but for her own. (So nothing happened in the elevator.)

The flipside is that Rice will never be able to find work as lucrative as an NFL player; he probably has limited job skills and Janay probably isn't independently wealthy. His wife and daughter will have less--the family's financial outlook is about to take a hit. (Oh, you see what I did?)The feminist fantasy is that Janel will leave her abusive husband and sue him, taking everything he has. But he has nothing now--thanks to the feminists. Ultimately feminists have made this into a gender issue; they are exploiting the situation for the noble goal of lowering the level of spousal abuse in this country. (White people could use this to show how violent blacks are; communists could show the violence of the upperclasses.... Etc.) The "big picture" is that now the NFL will take domestic violence more seriously. The commentators have found a solution, I suppose.

People tend to destroy themselves. YouTube just facilitates it. Ultimately there is no sadder commentary than that.

Why Hillary shouldn't win.

Freshman year of college, I had a poli-sci professor, who was generally a leftist. He did not like Gray Davis, but the Republicans would always bring out a rightwing nutjob to challenge the Democrat, and sometimes the rightwing nutjob wins (like Pete Wilson). In his words, he would end up "holding his nose" and voting for Gray Davis. A year after that statement, Arnold Schwarzenegger would run his insurgent campaign, seizing power, and proceed to make California significantly worse.

Hillary has experience, and with that experience, is a long history of dumbass mistakes. During the run-up for the invasion of Iraq, Hillary had her profile in courage moment--but she just went with the political attitudes of so many Americans at the time, believing that she will be rewarded at some later time. Her later heroic defense of the tragedy in Benghazi--chastising Republicans for trying to politicize an Islamic terrorist attack halfway around the world--is a positive, but does not remove the smear of what she actually did: Her early support for the invasion and occupation of Iraq.

It is hypocritical to criticize Republican congressmen for Iraq and not Democrats who worked with Republicans to give Bush the authority to attack Iraq. Whereas the Republicans were acting on their stupid political principles, the Democratic minority were aiming for national security brownie points and supporting the Republicans' stupid ideas because they wished to protect their political careers. Whether or not the views that you stand are wrong, stand for something. This was John Kerry's mistake in 2004, and Mitt Romney's mistake in 2012. Saying "my bad" does not constitute contrition. When you fuck-up in a job, you don't apply for a better job at the same company! The appropriate thing to do is to place oneself in self-imposed exile as penance. It is hypocritical to excuse a woman's stupidity because she is a woman--you sacrifice your feminist street cred when you lower the bar to accommodate a woman's intellectual capabilities.

There is also a visceral reason for my hesitation to support Hillary: Hillary clearly cried during her 2008 campaign--there is news footage of her sitting alongside daughter Chelsea, crying. She was crying. She whined about the favorable press Obama received throughout the 2008 campaign, while ignoring why Obama wasn't placed under the media microscope that Hillary was: Obama didn't have the scandals that Hillary and her husband had; the Obamas were both new and still perceived as honest. Our opinions of her were formed, for better and worse. Obama couldn't sell himself as experienced, and she couldn't sell herself as exciting.

You cannot cry if another 9/11 happens. There's no crying in the presidency. Crying makes me, personally, uncomfortable. When America is attacked, we do not cry but we kick our enemies in the balls. "These colors don't run," bitch. (For the record, I'm not calling any specific female a bitch; I'm calling whomever might attack America in the future "bitch.")

I will not support Hillary during the California primary in spring 2016. Yes, I will probably vote for a man, but that is only be because most candidates are male; our first female President should not be Hillary Clinton. She opened doors for women, but we cannot ignore that she does not want to be treated any differently because she is a woman.

The Republican candidate will support bringing back workhouses. They will think birthcontrol is turning away when you cum. They will continue to confuse science with superstition. And they will do so while being utterly confused as to what murder has to do with firearms. If 2012 primaries are any indication, the Republicans will trip over themselves to out-crazy each other--and Democrats will do something similar--before centering themselves during the general election.

Hillary Clinton isn't tall. She has a history of lying. She has a cackle like a witch who just ate a bunch of kids. She has gained weight, and it's noticeable. She lacks political integrity. She is an opportunist. I hate your pants suits. However, Hillary Clinton is sane.

So I guess I might have to hold my nose and vote for Hillary in November 2016. She will count this as a victory.