The Fey-Poeher pairing was pretty funny. Don't get me wrong. But I missed Gervais's sharp-tongue ridiculing of Hollywood pretentiousness. I thought I would imagine an alternate universe, where Ricky would've been given his rightful due, and here's how the night went down:
He would point out how much Amy Poeher looks like Justin Bieber. “That’s right. You know you look like’em, love.”He would mock Steve Carell’s post-Office career. “Not so easy, is it? Not so easy to be in movies.” This would then be followed up by him bringing out the cast of "Anchorman 2" onstage, then he would tell the cast of "Anchorman 2" to leave.
Tell everyone at the ceremony to save their leftovers for the Somali fellow's family, then he would tell Sandra Bullock not to try to adopt him. He's a grown man.
Ricky Gervais broke out his Sean Penn jokes. Sean Penn doesn't get jokes, so he slugged Ricky Gervais.
He would call Mila Kunis a whore. No context. He would just get onstage and call her a whore.
He would tell Jennifer Lawrence not to trip this time…. Then he would totally trip Jennifer Lawrence.
Did anyone say “Paul Walker death jokes”?
He would call Mel Gibson, get him on speaker phone, then break out his Mel Gibson jokes. Because you know he’s got a lot of them.
Woody Allen would be mentioned, and Gervais's head would proceed to explode. (Fortunately Mia Farrow's son filled the vacuum and called him a pedophile.)
Slave jokes! Slave jokes! Slave jokes!
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