Predictions for Oscars:
If Jennifer Lawrence wins an Oscar, Anne Hathaway will attack her in the parking lot and take it. That's her plan for getting one.
Mia Farrow would complain about Cate Blanchett not condemning Woody Allen in her acceptance speech for "Blue Jasmine."
You know who will be in the "In Memoriam" segment? Dead celebrities! Every year! Who's murdering them?
Ellen DeGeneres will offer twerking jokes. Whether she, herself, will twerk remains to be seen.
Ellen Page will greet DeGeneres with the lesbian secret handshake. Welcome to the team. Fly into the Danger Zone.
The black chick with the interesting backstory will win. I'm not interested in looking up her name. Lupe, I think. Lupe. The irony that the Academy will give another Oscar to a black person for playing a slave while congratulating itself for its progressiveness will be lost on everyone.
Oh, black people might've seen "12 Years a Slave." That is all. The only black person to have seen "Gravity" was Sandra Bullock's kid. This will not be your year either, Tyler Perry.
Mila Kunis will be too busy performing oral sex to attend the Oscars.
Every time Philip Seymour Hoffman is mentioned, the audience will go insane with applause. Are they happy he's dead? Did he owe all these celebrities money?
Pharell's hat will be allowed to continue its reign of terror.
Seth MacFarlane will have to settle for "Dads." What? Low ratings? Gonna be cancelled? Well, he still has his money pile.
Idia Menzel will kill it with "Let It Go."
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