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Showing posts with label Hollywood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hollywood. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Exclusive: The Mysterious Age of Anjelica Bette Fellini

Credit: Backstage.com

She was the cute girl on "The Gifted," playing the young teen mutant Twist. Then last summer she signed on to star on a show with the unfortunate title "Slutty Teenage Bounty Hunters," then I said, "Wait a minute. A 14-year-old actress should not be in a show about teenage sexuality." For both legal reasons and creative reasons, teens in media are typically played by actors several years older.  I Googled her age. Said she's 14. Couldn't believe she was 13 when "The Gifted" was filming; she was...tall. If she was 13, I had some things to think about.

Then I checked out her Instagram page, and there were several photos of her hanging out with her boyfriend, who's clearly in his 20s. I at first thought that she had very bad parents. Then I did some deeper Googling.

According to an article in Playbill, she was 11 in December of 2005. (http://www.playbill.com/article/pint-size-pros). Her Backstage page (https://www.backstage.com/u/anjelicabettefellini/) lists her age range as 18-29, which is very unusual for a 14-year-old girl.

For some reason, Google thinks that she was born in 2004. Maybe she has been perpetuating the story that she is almost a decade younger as a way of securing more teen girl roles. She also never tagged her boyfriend, adding credibility that she's concealing her true age or her boyfriend is a sex offender.

But she was probably born in 1994, December 1993 at the earliest. And she's about 25 today.

"Looks like this story has taken a...twist," I said, and I put on my sunglasses.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Pumpkin vs. Pumpkin: The Strange Case of Kathy Griffin versus Donald Trump

We've all seen the photo now. I won't post it because I don't want that shit. It clearly wasn't a threat--still, free of context, it could've been reasonably taken as a threat. One thing is for certain: Kathy Griffin will be audited a lot the next few years, because Donald Trump will abuse that power. He will abuse the hell out of that power. He will send the IRS to grab her by the pussy.


How was this different than the times that Ted Nugent threatened both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? Nugent was Trump's friend, for one. But also Nugent didn't do a visual representation. Nugent made offhand comments; Kathy's "threat" had production values. Yes, Nugent is batshit crazy. Also probably a pedophile.


The Trump clan has used this to distract the media from how terrible they all are. (Melania Trump claimed that when their son saw the photo, he thought it was really his dad's head. How often does Baron see his father if he thought this? He's a 21st century kid; he knows a lot of images aren't real.) And though I'm no fan of the Trumps, they were right to be offended. These weren't Tim Allen verbal jabs at Hillary on his cancelled(?) "Last Man Standing."


A couple of days ago, Griffin appeared in a news conference to spin in with Lisa Bloom. She brought out a laundry list of a shockingly small sample of the terrible things that Trump has said and did, and used it as a justification for that photo. The photo was mocking his mocking of a female's menstruation cycle, you see. However she forgot a cardinal rules of comedy: If you have to explain a joke, then it isn't funny.


This is not a feminist issue. But a common sense issue. Trump is still the President, and though we don't have to respect him--we really shouldn't--the rules have changed as to how he can be depicted.


Kathy Griffin, like so many Hollywood liberals, managed to do the impossible: Make the Trumps sympathetic. Her attempts to wrap her stupidity in social justice warrior outrage has fallen flat.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Book Review: We Don't Need Roads...

Much of it seems culled from movie trivia sites. (I have done the same, but this was a major publication, and not one of my independently published tomes.) Truly original content is minimum.

The reader gets a thorough recounting of the development and the original process of shooting with Eric Schultz. Back to the Future has the dubious distinction of being mostly reshot with a new actor. Why? The old one wasn't working out. The dedicated Schultz would also not perform a stage punch on Tom Wilson--rather resorting to real strikes--which was cruel and unprofessional. The replacement of Eric Schultz with Michael J. Fox most definitely saved the movie and turned it into the 1980s cinema touchstone that it is.

And there's the mystery of Crispin Glover. This drama ends up being the most interesting part of this book. That Glover was, at the time, the most successful actor on set was intriguing. Stories of his weirdness makes him one of the most well-sketched character in this book. His performance skills were unquestionable; his personal skills were controversial. This is followed by his replacement with struggling actor and Glover-replacement Jeffrey Weisman, who has the misfortune of becoming collateral damage in the fight between the rich and the very rich. The author tries to be fair and balanced, but he also clearly comes down on the Bobs' side: Glover asked for too much money, and he got cut.

The trilogy was life and career changing for all of the leads, for better and worse. It led to Glover being partially blacklisted and Wilson being typecast. There's an excellent recounting of all the things that the series got right about the future--which is now the past--and all the things that it got wrong. Wish they'd done more to warn us about 2015 Biff becoming our President, though.

Much attention is focused on hoverboards. The inspiration for hoverboards. The attempts to build hoverboards. Mattel's shameful knock-offs for hoverboard fans. The horrible injuries caused by hoverboards. I wish we had hoverboards in 2017, and not just two-wheeled douche machines that catch fire.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Because I am bored, here's a spec I wrote for "Gotham": Carroll

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4j5BZRs8exBdk04bFVONlhPZ1U/view

In show business, to show what you can write, you might write a spec for an existing show. I began this spec, called "Carroll," of the TV show Gotham back in spring 2015. Unfortunately I didn't finish it until May of 2016, having tabled it for awhile, so now it's a bit dated. It would've been the second season premiere of the Fox show. I see that the producers will be introducing the Mad Hatter in their own way in season 3, and will also feature a grown-up Ivy. (Apparently Ivy is going to age more than five years in a episode in this forthcoming season, so she will be a sexy coed with the brain of a 13-year-old. And that's not creepy at all!) Pity Clare Foley, though. Imagine being told at 14 that not only do you longer do you work here, but we'll be paying your replacement more than you!

I ended up drawing inspiration from the movie Room, but it's basically a typical story of a grown-up man-child named Jervis Tetch who abducts a young Poison Ivy, so he'll have a friend! Meanwhile, Bruce's investigation into his parents' deaths lead him to Wayne Enterprise's Applied Sciences Division.

Well, I hope you all enjoy it. And if any of you know of a position in a writer's room somewhere...hit me up! My bookies want to be paid!

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Jennifer Lawrence is now a 12 on the Pretentious Scale (She's like the female Lena Dunham.)

Recently Jennifer Lawrence has been taking the ole of fem-warrior, criticizing the patriarchy for the wage gap between the genders, relating how she ended up getting paid less than her three male costars for the 2013 film American Hustle. Like the previous hack of personal photos from her cloud account, Lawrence first blamed herself, then she blamed society for her decisions. This is what she does. She is careful not to accuse anyone or the studio itself. She squarely blames men. Unlike accusing the lonely men of the internet of being sex criminals, she makes a perfectly reasonable point: The "bitch" conceit. So many of us were raised to believe that women should apply a soft power throughout their lives. Of course, sometimes a bitch is just a bitch. Women want to be both assertive and liked. That's not doable. Men better understand that than women.

In last year's hack of Sony, it was revealed that Lawrence was paid less than any of her male costars. Understandably, at first, she things it's because she's a woman. (It's a bit strange that Lawrence never broached the subject of pay with her good friend Bradley Cooper, but whatever. Let's assume that she's being totally honest.)

When you work on a movie set, you learn your place quickly. The crew get to eat before the background actors. There might even be separate dining areas for crew and background. There's almost always special perks in being crew--like shaved ice, or a catering truck specifically marked "crew only." Just as movie stars don't have to deal with crew, the crew can alienate these temp workers. (Oh, and you movie stars have no idea who these background actors are. What's my name? Can Jennifer Lawrence name anyone who has ever worked on her movies who doesn't have an end credit?) Like plants, background actors have died because they weren't given enough water and shade. They're told to "stay here," and a lot do. It's just a matter of professionalism.

Background actors are paid nine dollars an hour to be in a movie briefly. They have no lines to memorize, and they're performing the most rudimentary of actions. Making Adam Smith proud, Hollywood liberals pay people as little as these folks will accept to do the job. Not really society's fault that you're being paid to stand there. You made your own choices.

Katherine Heigl was supposed to be a movie star--remember that? She came off Knocked Up and an Emmy for Gray's Anatomy and she pulled a Caruso. Eventually she was publically outed as "overpaid." I'm not accusing Lawrence of being another Heigl; Lawrence's movies clearly make money, and her work is clearly more diverse than bland romantic comedies where she plays the exact same character. My point is that no one can see the future, and when you have a slim track record, there's no crystal ball to predict one's career trajectory. Also there's no real logic behind how actors are paid, and it can take a column in a national magazine for the suits to realize that an actor is actually terrible, and has been terrible for a very long time.

Jeremy Renner, of the main cast, had the most in common with Lawrence: Relatively new to the world of blockbusters, with just a handful of cameos under his belt--but with critical acclaim for one or two roles. Failed series--just like Lawrence. He was famous for The Hurt Locker, and that's just about it. Meanwhile, Renner had the best response to the controversy: Not my problem. It is not Renner's problem that Lawrence did not get the best possible deal that she theoretically could've. Renner doesn't hate women. It's just that if a woman can't stand on her feet, does she deserve to stand? Plus being a movie star is fuckin' cool. Renner knows how perilous stardom can be, having been such a late-comer to the fame game, and he doesn't want to rock the boat. (In the 1950s, he might've named names--we don't know.)

Christian Bale had been acting since before Lawrence was born; he was in Newsies, when it was a terrible kids' movie and not a terrible Broadway production. Bale has the most awards for his acting. Cooper has a masters' degree in theater. Lawrence never went to college, and a few years prior to Hustle, she played "Mascot" on an episode of Monk. (Remember Monk? It was on USA... It ran for like eight seasons!) If you count minute by minute, Lawrence was probably in the movie the least, so she was paid the least--she was a supporting character, not the main character. Bale is objectively better. Her complaints about gender discrimination highlight another harsh reality: In showbusiness, experience is more often secondary to youth and beauty. Bale and Copper were peaking--nowhere for them to go but the Brando route: get fat and refuse to remember your lines. Lawrence is upset that as the next big thing, she wasn't compensated accordingly; and if she hadn't grown in prominence, she probably wouldn't be complaining at all, and we certainly wouldn't care.

My problem with feminism is when the feminists lie, including using misleading statistics. This can also be seen in the pronouncement that women make 80 cents on the dollar that men makes--or that for every dollar that a woman makes, a man gets a blowjob. (Speaking as a man, where the fuck is my "male privilege"? Jennifer Lawrence is a fuckin' millionaire!) Women have children. In having children, they must take time for from work, which interrupts their career paths. To find fairness, you would have to compare the career paths of a childless woman with that of a childless man. Then--and only then--would we know if the woman was underpaid.

Despite being "underpaid" in the last movie that she did with David O. Russell, she will be appearing in his next film, Joy. She will also be paid 50% more than Chris Pratt (who's now a hot young thing) to star in Passengers.

So even if Lawrence were a man, he would be acting like a bitch.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Turns out Hollywood has been sexually exploiting young women...

There has been a lot of discussion of ageism in Hollywood, especially after Maggie Gyllenhaal and Rose McGowan made statements that supposedly laid bare the sexism surrounding roles and aging. Maggie, age 37, has complained that she was considered too old to play the love interest for a man in his fifties. McGowan had a row with her agent after he sent her a note expecting her to dress in a sexy fashion to audition for an Adam Sandler movie. Both women make legitimate points; unfortunately, their accusations are biased and ego-centric, ignoring the realities of the business of filmmaking.

We really don't know much of the project Maggie lost. The CHARACTER might have been in his mid-50s or the ACTOR might be in his mid-50s. Some men in their fifties are still relatively "boyish": They can pass for a decade younger if they do something as simple as dying their hair. Maggie, however, is an old mid-30s. It feels like she's been making movies as an adult for as long as we've all been alive. Her and Jake's parents were directors and producers; they never pounded the pavement looking for work, having doors slammed in their faces because they didn't have the connections necessary to find work. Maggie never paid her dues and played the ditzy girl or dead hooker or stripper #7. (When Maggie lost a role, she lost it because she sucked, not because someone wondered who she was.) She started at the middle and stayed at the middle, finding success as a substitute for Katie Holmes in The Dark Knight. Cameron Diaz and Amy Adams are about her age, too, and both started out as ditzy girls, before becoming movie stars in their own right. They came from nothing, in the Hollywood sense: They started their careers attractive, yes, and they used their physical gifts with grit, never resting on their laurels. The hottest fires form the strongest steel, and Maggie was never exposed to such flames. Their parents didn't get them jobs.

Hollywood movies are so often made for teenage boys because they watch a lot of movies, especially the bad ones, and the female leads must appeal to this demographic. Maggie could now easily be a teen boy's mom. Maggie could have an adult child--right now. So, yeah, she's old. By which I mean, she's Hollywood-old. Has she met Kristen Stewart? Because Kristen Stewart is her. Kristen Stewart is playing the roles that Maggie played a decade ago. (Pretty but not stunning. Moody brunette. Very pasty lady--never had a tan. Does nudity.) She's at one of those points in her career where she has to question what she's doing. She was never that great an actress--unlike Meryl Streep. She was never a great writer--unlike Tina Fey. She was never a box office star--unlike Julia Roberts. Never a child prodigy--unlike Jodie Foster--we could go on like this....

Let me clarify one point: Communal property laws make perfect sense when they recognize the importance of being a homemaker in the spouse achieving success. Historically women--especially housewives, not career women--have been screwed out of their contributions to the households' successes. A housewife's contributions to the household cannot be easily quantified--so now we just give the broad half.

However, a wife can also be a mean woman who steals half of everything you earned. When you reach a certain degree of material success, a housewife is no longer a woman who cooks and cleans but one who yells at the illegal immigrants whom she'd hired to do the cooking and cleaning. Your wife is no longer an important part of the household, but a middleman between the lord and the servants. She is not an overworked housewife, but just a rich-bitch. Your wife might end up torpedoing your brilliant idea for movies or businesses or inventions, thus preventing a man from achieving his full potential. Countless brilliant ideas have undoubtedly been lost because the wife didn't approve...and that's why we don't have hoverboards.

Hollywood movies are so often shaped by Hollywood insiders'--studio heads, producers, directors--view of reality, and in the entertainment community, having a second or third wife is not so unusual. There being a generational difference is not so unusual. The young woman gives the older man a second chance at love. To start anew with another mate--except now he has the money and experience to do it right. (Of course this second marriage might go south too. The third one will be the right marriage.)

A few months ago, '90s teen crush Rose McGowan revealed that she decided not to audition for an Adam Sandler film after receiving a note from her agent regarding her costuming requirement to augment her cleavage. Getting fired from an Adam Sandler project has to be like getting fired from a fart contest. With the fart contest, you probably won't get the entrance fee back, though. (His movies so frequently make money--but, c'mon, we know they're not good.)

McGowan's exhaustion with being treated as a piece of meat reeks of hypocrisy. "Sexy" has been the only role that she'd ever played throughout her entire career, and it was a role that she continued to play as recently as last year, when she did a nude photo spread. I'm not making this up: McGowan posed naked just last year. But now she's fed up with being objectified by Hollywood. She draws the line at being cast as the sexpot...in 2015, she means. Hollywood is an industry that exploits young women, it turns out. She's growing older, and she's asking herself what her career is going. Because, despite her beauty, the wrinkles are encroaching. So now she's a feminist icon.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Have we ruled out that Michael Bay and Zack Snyder aren't really the same person?

Their movies certainly look good, but so quickly fall apart when viewed thru any lens of reality. The dialogue is so insipid as to come from Screenwriters' 101 on plot twists and character development. Their jokes flop. What they lack in wit, they make up for in noise. They both worked with actors like Ben Affleck, Jackie E. Haley. Both men occasionally, as if by accident, make a movie with hints of greatness (Pain & Gain, 300). Watch Man of Steel and Armageddon as a double feature. Who directed which movie?

This might be a Hannah Montana-type situation. Michael Bay, realizing that he was aging after the Millennium, decided to invent a young, hip auteur so he could continue making terrible movies without any gravitas whatsoever. I don't believe Bay killed a man named Zack Snyder and assumed his identity; rather, he invented a persona that existed on paper, then he became that man. He switches between this persona and his real self so often that it's now a seamless transition. Additionally, this allows him to date twice as many lingerie models, and someday he might want to murder someone, then disappear.

(And Brett Ratner? No, Brett Ratner is too busy with his rapes.)

Think about it, Internets. Has anyone ever seen them both at the same place and the same time? My pet theory is that Bay is really wearing a latex mask, and some day he's going to pull it off, Mission Impossible-style and yell: "Fooled you, Hollywood! It was me--Michael Bay--all along!" I think Ben Affleck knows.



Saturday, July 12, 2014

Gary Oldman--da fuck?

I wish I could say I wouldn't watch "Planet of the Apes." But I totally will. Because it's a movie about apes who ride horses into battle, firing a machine gun in each hand. Come on! And it's in 3D! I'm part Jewish, and...damnit, I'm still there!
 
In Oldman's recent Playboy interview, he defended Mel Gibson and bashed any number of things, including Nancy Pelosi and the rest of human society. Normally one of our most respected actors, I can only think he briefly forgot what interviews were.
 
Oldman thinks that every white guy has announced that he hopes his girlfriend gets raped by a bunch of niggers? Oh my God, what goes on at Gary Oldman's house? Oh, does Gary Oldman greet Jews by asking them: "Why are you starting all these wars? What the hell?" Then he waits patiently for a response. Because that's what we all do!
 
When you're famous, people will attack you--sometimes for asinine reasons. This must be incredibly infuriating, as people line up to take shots using their lack of information and intelligence. Whoopi Goldberg recently set the bar higher (or lower) by defending (guess who?) Mel Gibson. She also defended Roman Polanski, explaining that having sex with an intoxicated 13-year-old then telling her not to talk about it isn't really rape. Plus, being a Frenchmen, this was totally normally in his culture.
 
One has to respect Oldman for his commitment to his craft, and for his other comments, like pointing out that society is going to Hell. Kids are twerpish. The Golden Globes are overrated, but he used other words. And he knows some of his movies were crap.
 
Oldman, for all his classy outsiderness, lives in the celebrity bubble. When a celebrity attacks--anywhere in America--they rush to defend him! Hope he doesn't start defending Roman Polanski.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Here's why the Bay TMNT movie isn't going to suck.

ISN'T.

It's about human-sized ninja turtles. It's already at the peak of ridiculousness. It can't be worse than the rubber suit versions--but I suppose I am ruining some of your childhoods by pointing out how bad those films were. The 2007 CGI version was alright.

William Fichter is awesome. Loved him since "Grace Under Fire." Good casting. Love that. I'm glad Megan Fox realized that she's not a great movie star on her own and made her peace with Bay. See, he's not as bad as Hitler! There you go!

Baxter Stockman will at least be represented. K. Todd Freeman is a brilliant actor who deserves his due. It seemed that he peaked in "Buffy"--but, no, he's back!

Yes, the Turtles' heads have a passing resemblance to dicks.

That is all.... And turtle power, I guess.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Sympathy Should be Shown to the Families First

It is a cruel joke on our nation's character that we are now relieved when a mass shooting produces fewer than ten victims. America's heart should go out for the families of the victims and then for the UCSB community.

Ultimately Elliot Rodger's self-image did not match up to his reality. He was a 22-year-old community college student who never worked a steady job in his life. He had a totally unwarranted sense of entitlement and elitism, making him an obnoxious twerp as well as a murderer. The media is neglecting to note that his rantings were moments of lucidity; his life was not working out that way that he intended, which led to his explosion of horrible rage. And the fact that his killing spree largely occurred with the assistance of a BMW (a gift from a parent) has made him the posterchild for privilege.

To blame the actions of Rodger on Judd Apatow or any of the Hollywood elite is, however, asinine. It is picking a successful artist, then trying to link the behavior of a madman to their work is what countless idiots have tried with Catcher in the Rye. Now some idiots are pointing seemingly randomly at movies where the average guy gets the hot girl like Puritans who never learned to read. (This is a trope that deserves to die, but does not deserve to be killed by feminists or anyone else. Seth Rogen will be held accountable for his crimes someday. Don't you worry.)

Working thru his manifesto. It has excellent spelling and grammar, but is otherwise dull writing. You see his obsession with World of Warcraft and other role-playing games. (This community will now, always, get a bad wrap on account of so many of their members committing murderous rampages.) He recognizes that his life isn't going great, but he cannot connect his problems with his behavior. So far, there is no mention of him approaching the "beautiful girls" whom he wants to have sex with--he can only lash out in petty ways when they DON'T take the initiative to connect with him. He thinks himself a gentleman but in reality he is ill, and he probably had the idea that he was a gentleman implanted in him by a society that confused his quietness and smallness with politeness and decency. If you did not know how this story was going to turn out, you would feel pity for someone so deluded but otherwise non-violent.

It is intellectually lazy to classify him as a misogynist. (For sincere misogyny, please consult the Columbine killers' writings.) He liked women, and sincerely didn't understand why they didn't reciprocate because of a communication and logic gap. He had no history of sexual assault, which is what one would suspect of a murderous sex offender. Most of the people whom he apparently hated were men who were succeeding in relationships with women. When he did explode, the first people killed were his male roommates (who undeniably did mock his lack of game). Far from being a misogynist, there is no word to describe Elliot Rodger.

#YesAllWomen has gotten douchey, though. At the club, women will be hit on--I will ask her "how you doin'?" Because I would like to know how the chick is doing, and talking to her while being a black guy does not constitute a sex crime. (I'll accuse you of a hate crime for accusing me of a sex crime. I can be hysterical too.) It belittles the seriousness of rape to claim that a guy who says "let's get out of here and go some place quieter" is rape. Stop it. There are appropriate places to say and do sexual things, and a woman's say in the matter is 50%. Women cannot control every situation that they are in; you do not get to be comfortable wherever you go, ladies. I have not taken my junk out and placed it on her head while riding the subway (which I've also done). I will not apologize for being a man anymore than I expect ladies to apologize for the femaleness. There are clear gender differences or rules to be considered--not ignored--in our society. Rodger became a mass murderer because he couldn't understand the rules: 9s date 9s, maybe 8s. He had neither the talent nor the skills to pretend to be something higher.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

A Woman's Nuclear Option

This week Lindsay Lohan revealed that her unprofessionalism during the shooting of her O! unscripted show was on account of her miscarriage. That truly was shocking, but it also doesn't explain her unprofessionalism in the years prior to her miscarriage.

Ladies, is that like the nuclear option for you? Is that the one thing that any woman can say to justify her behavior and end the conversation about some controversial matter? "I had a miscarriage." (The first nuclear option is "I was raped.") It's like: "I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage...but you still won the argument. Okay." As much as the feminists want to rise above this towards gender equality, there remains a difference between the genders, which allows for women to have this prerogative; and common decency allows us to give women a pass. There is nothing intellectual or academic about it.

We should take Lohan's word that she did suffer a miscarriage, if only because it would make us look terrible if we accused her of lying about such an awful event. But she will have trouble using it as an excuse for missing some later assignment, of course.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Spider-Man sex scandal vs. Superman sex scandal: Who would win in a fight?

I've never been a fan of real-life heroes--and there's a reason why. In the past month, sex scandals have engulfed two men whose work I've otherwise respected: James Franco and Bryan Singer.

I've always liked James Franco--despite the fact that he was once in a longtime relationship with Marla Sokoloff, whom I really liked. Apparently he never had sex with Lindsay Lohan. He never smoked weed with Seth Rogen (and smoking weed with Seth Rogen seems to be a prerequisite to being Seth Rogen's friend). He is genuinely committed to art and education, as pretentious as that might sometime seem. He doesn't broadcast his sleazy behavior, and despite the fact that he always seems to be squinting, he seems like a good guy and not a Hollywood douche. This non-doucheness has taken a hit with his attempts last night to seduce an almost 18-year-old tourist who was just excited to meet James Franco.

Since then, there has been a full-court press from him to try to make light of it--he doesn't want to seem to be running from it, and that's smart. He went on Live... and SNL to talk about it--"Aren't I wacky? Isn't the Internet wacky? I'm James Franco!" Legally, he might be in the clear, certainly. It's legal in New York state for a man in his mid-30s to have sex with a 17-year-old. (Franco was born and raised in California.) There is a long, should be more shameful history of celebrities having sex with 17-year-olds--Wilmer Valderama, Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld. Certainly a precedence for doing it and escaping scrutiny. Morally, however, it raises the question of how young is too young for James Franco? Where does he draw the line?

Then there's the theory that this incident was done to promote his forthcoming indie with Emma Roberts, where he plays a gym teacher who enters into an inappropriate relationship with a 14-year-old. Appearing to be a shorteyes does not seem to be a good strategy for promotion of a single film, even for a man accustomed to such erraticism in the name of art.

The most realistic explanation was that Franco tried to get with a barely legal girl, and he overestimated how enamored she was with him. She was a fan--but not so much a fan for that. (How much has this worked in the past for him? Normally The Franco gets what he wants.) This girl really just liked his work; she probably grew up watching his movies. Her parents raised her not to have hook-ups with inappropriately older guys--and it's easy to forget how much older Franco really is compared to a teenager. (There's also the issue as to what he would've done if she'd said "sure." I think we can all imagine what he would've done.)

The case against Bryan Singer is much worse--not because he's gay, but because of the sordid nature of the allegations and the allegations of actual sexual contact, not just intended contact. Still, it seems not to be a coincidence that these allegations are surfacing right before the statute of limitations would expire and in the weeks before the biggest movie of Singer's career opens and the premiere of his show Black Box. It seems that, regardless of the truth, the accuser is attempting to maximize any legal settlement. Really, if Singer had been accused of this during last year's Jack the Giant Slayer, rape would've been the second worst thing he was capable of.

Singer has taken the exact opposite tact: He is avoiding unnecessary contact with the press. As a gay man, he must be especially sensitive about allegations that he's also a pervert. The American people have come a long way in accepting homosexuality as normal since the '90s. Time will tell if more men come forward, which will be the best indication as to whether the charges of the Hollywood gay sex parties leading to rape are true. If these allegations are true, I will be reluctant to watch further Bryan Singer movies, not that I wouldn't appreciate the memories that his work has given me in the past.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Is Katherine Heigl's reputation really worth $6 million?

I've had a thing for Katherine Heigl since Roswell. She was several years older than me, and her breasts made her look like a genius of some kind--possibly a rocket scientist. Contradictory, when she made it big on Grey's Anatomy, I began to lose interest in her, my teen infatuation abated by both the passage of time and the new hype that surrounded her.

Recently the drugstore chain Duane Reade used Heigl's image in an ad without her consent, and Heigl in turn sued--understandably. This begs the question: Is Katherine Heigl's reputation still worth $6 million? If the drug store had done this above board, would Heigl have received $6 million for her endorsement? No, certainly not in 2013. This suit is to make herself look better, reminding us all of the charity set-up in memory of her late brother and that Katherine Heigl still exists.

She is allegedly terrible to work with. She chain smokes. She was allegedly one of the driving forces to get Isaiah Washington fired from Grey's. On the set of Roswell, she was frequently late, missing her call-time intentionally. Not because of some emergencies but because she respected the production so little that she didn't even care to be on time. (This anecdote is from the interview that she gave in a 2006 FHM interview.) She was actually the biggest star on that WB show, it should be noted--having worked with both Gerard Deperdieu and Steven Seagal in Under Siege 2 (no--that was big)--and so it is easy to imagine why she thought she was gracing the teen sci-fi show with her presence. Her mother has been described as terrible too.

Despite Heigl's pluses--her apparently good marriage, her decision to adopt children, her sobriety. She might be totally loyal to her friends like TR Knight and her family (like many Mormons), she still manages to be seen as a pill. She does not work with actors more than once. Her greatest movie--Knocked Up--was derided by her, and she hasn't worked with Judd Apatow since.

The people you meet climbing the ladder of Hollywood success are the people you see during your downfall, and Heigl has been freefalling. This can be summed-up by one damaging assessment: In a 2013 Forbes article, she was linked to both Adam Sandler and Reese Witherspoon as the most overpaid stars in Hollywood. Hollywood will allow any matter of bitchiness or perversion, as long as the talent is commercial or critically successful.

I think a career-revival is possible, though. Yes, her greatest work has since been voice-acting in the animated The Nut Job--although no one sees a talking squirrel movie for Katherine Heigl; they see it because squirrels are awesome. She'll probably be returning to TV in the fall, although returning to TV can be seen as acknowledging defeat--but the low-point was still probably the Nyquil commercial, so the only place from here is up. (Oddly enough, the world didn't need any more Katherine Heigl movies.) What remains of her career is to be seen.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Why do we all hate Anne Hathaway?

On paper, Anne Hathaway should be this American sweetheart.  She's been big since 2001's Princess Diaries, where she discovered she was pretty if she straightened her hair--and no other actress has so perfectly balanced kids movies with adult fair than she does. A good reason to explain hatred of her is an incident a couple years back, where she was emerging from a talkshow appearance, signing autographs, and she refused to sign a sexy photo of her from Esquire because there were kids around. She refused to sign a shot that she'd posed for. Because...the kids?

She's the younger Gwyneth Paltrow. She talks like she went to college, but she never went to college. She's the kind of chick who listens to records because "the music sounds better," and she probably knits and drinks craft beers. When she become a mother, she'll be one of those mothers who use cloth diapers and feeds her kid organic baby food. We have to hate her poise, because the poise seems to come from pretentiousness, not from genuine modesty.... She's the much younger Meryl Streep--or the slightly older Jennifer Lawrence.

She has been tainted by guilt from association--namely her association with Italian con artist Raffaello Follieri--and how douchey is it that her boyfriend was named "Raffaello"? They adopted a douchey dog together--all the while he was scamming people out of millions. She would later joke about it on SNL; however this association speaks volumes about her. She either knew that her boyfriend was cheating people or (more likely) this was evidence that she fits the stereotype of the dim bulb actress. (Where's your pretend college education now, college-girl?) Even Lindsay Lohan has never had a relationship with a serious felon--none that we know about.

Her great knockers and booty belie a face that is divisive in how hot we find her. Some people don't view her as attractive, especially her bulbous nose. (I'm okay with her face.) Her decision to crop off her beautiful hair--though admirable for her role in Les Miserable--didn't help her appearance. It seems like her hair isn't growing back, right? And her great big boobs are in danger of sag.

Personally, I will continue watching Hathaway movies. All the while glad that I do not know her in real life. She seems awful.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Well, at least Lindsay Lohan's vagina is getting a lot of work.

Apparently Lindsay Lohan recently compiled a list of the 36 celebrities whom she'd banged, then accidentally(?) let the list get out to the media. On one hand, it seems high for a woman in her late 20s; on the other, it seems about right for Lindsay Lohan.

So far, none of the men on this list have complained about being, ha, linked to Lindsay Lohan. That's another reason to call this list legitimate. At this point, I would think more men would be embarrassed of having had sex with her than being proud of it. It's just no longer something you need to brag about--much like your AAA membership or your American Express card. (Have I had sex with Lindsay Lohan? No, let's say I didn't.)

As terrible as Mila Kunis might be--and she is terrible--you never hear about her clubbing or her coke use or her unprofessionalism. (Mila Kunis does her coke in private.) We can blame Lohan's parents, her apparent ADHD, her addictions--and we should, and there might be something medically wrong with her besides the "disease of addiction"--but ultimately her career went off the path when she became an adult, and she was no longer moored to having to protect her image as a Disney star. A large part of Lohan's credibility problem comes from Lindsay Lohan. At this point, she chooses celebration over due diligence in both her personal and professional lives. She is the only white girl with more mugshots than a rapper. The most reflection she does is to compile a list of guys whom she banged.

Lohan's career went south because she did not exploit her youth--she was not content to churn out mediocre but profitable PG13 films for the tween crowd. The moment that she turned 18, she wanted to be taken seriously as an adult, but she wasn't a serious adult. She was chewed out for her tardiness and unprofessionalism in a 2006 open letter from Morgan Creek Productions CEO James G. Robinson--which is an almost unheard of act of criticism, especially against the star of your own project. She is now reduced to doing indie films, because no major producer wants to touch her. (Ha.)

Lindsay Lohan has had the quickest fall of any celebrity ever, going from the next Julia Roberts in 2004 to a washout in 2006; she was quickly eclipsed by just about the entire cast of Mean Girls except Lacey Chabert (whom I love), having started to refuse to show up on time and sober. Amy Poehler, who's over a decade older, eclipsed the young woman. Lohan became a spoof of herself. She no longer dares rise to the level of people's low expectations of her; she manages to sink further. (It's not an issue of a gender double standard: Charlie Sheen has assloads of money from 2 1/2 Men, so there's really no humiliating that guy at this point. He was proficient when he needed to be.) She briefly retired from acting to be a lesbian--no one having told her that she she could do both.

Eighteen was the turning point, where she started the customary attempt of the teen starlet to shed her wholesome image, which is beneficial in one's youth but restrictive in adulthood. But she attempted to embrace her womanhood immediately after turning 18, not taking the time to enjoy the opportunities afforded to a woman who could still play a teenage girl. Worst, the projects that she chose were objectively awful. She worked with the late Robert Altman, the end.

She returned to acting, looking older and more out of shape than her youth would suggest. Her unique raspy voice is now just terrible. It seems unlikely that there will be a comeback for Lindsay Lohan. Her attempts to stage a comeback will be torpedoed as long as she's still in the equation.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

What other kind of shenanigans can Ellen Page get into?

It feels like she came out years ago, right. It's like discovering Shirley Temple was still alive and had just died.

The reason beyond how sporty she was was that she was never particularly enthused talking about the sexy guys who she was dating in the past--something that so many of us undoubtedly thought was ironic detachment. She dated the sexiest man in Sweden, which makes one wonder if Alexander Foreign Name turned her into a Lilith Fair attendee. (Great music, by the way.)

I get the creepy feeling that this was meant to force herself back into the public eye. Jennifer Lawrence has really stolen her thunder on the 20-something "It Girl" role. Unlike Page, Lawrence will be around forever, having been nominated for TWO Oscars before she was old enough to drink--her humor, grace, beauty (and height) have catapulted her several slots above the Canadian. Really, Lawrence is Meryl Streep with great cans. (Love you, Jennifer.) Jennifer Lawrence is the Kate Upton of great actresses.

To promote Whip It a few years back, she did a pseudo-lesbian photoshoot with Director Drew Barrymore, which begs he question: Was that offensive? Not offensive because watching hot chicks go to town on each other is offensive, but offensive because they were using someone else's sexual identity to draw men to a romcom. Turns out one of those ladies was actually gay, which made it less bad.

Oh, and when will Ellen Page come out as a secret American? That'll be shocking. What if she isn't a Canadian at all!?! Think about that.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

If Ricky Gervais had hosted this year's Golden Globes.

The Fey-Poeher pairing was pretty funny. Don't get me wrong. But I missed Gervais's sharp-tongue ridiculing of Hollywood pretentiousness. I thought I would imagine an alternate universe, where Ricky would've been given his rightful due, and here's how the night went down:
He would point out how much Amy Poeher looks like Justin Bieber. “That’s right. You know you look like’em, love.”

He would mock Steve Carell’s post-Office career. “Not so easy, is it? Not so easy to be in movies.” This would then be followed up by him bringing out the cast of "Anchorman 2" onstage, then he would tell the cast of "Anchorman 2" to leave.

Tell everyone at the ceremony to save their leftovers for the Somali fellow's family, then he would tell Sandra Bullock not to try to adopt him. He's a grown man.
Ricky Gervais broke out his Sean Penn jokes. Sean Penn doesn't get jokes, so he slugged Ricky Gervais.
He would call Mila Kunis a whore. No context. He would just get onstage and call her a whore.

He would tell Jennifer Lawrence not to trip this time…. Then he would totally trip Jennifer Lawrence.
Did anyone say “Paul Walker death jokes”?

He would call Mel Gibson, get him on speaker phone, then break out his Mel Gibson jokes. Because you know he’s got a lot of them.
Woody Allen would be mentioned, and Gervais's head would proceed to explode. (Fortunately Mia Farrow's son filled the vacuum and called him a pedophile.)
Slave jokes! Slave jokes! Slave jokes!