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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Grab life by the pussy! (Endorsement for 2016 Presidential campaign.)

It is all out there. Donald Trump's popularity among women is now about as high as mine was in college. The man vowed that if given the Republican nomination, he would be the "most politically correct" candidate. We never saw that. Giving him the nomination has only made him worse--worse on every possible level. The man's known sins were already out there. But making him the nominee has only brought to surface more since, including the "bus tape" with Access Hollywood's Billy Bush.

VP candidate Mike Pence's brain seems to have been broken by this tape. The breaking point was Trump saying he likes attractive women--how is this different from Bill Clinton? Unlike Bill Clinton--who kept denying everything--Trump was advocating sexual harassment. And that is too much. (Meanwhile, it was not a long time ago. I still have underwear from 2005. Elastic is still great.) Republicans are packing up for 2020. Billy Bush has ruined another life.

Some women are more attractive than other women. Of all the things that have been undoing Trump's bizarre presidential campaign that pointing this out would be what ends it is deeply ironic. Alicia Machado was a beauty queen; she was not supposed to be gaining weight that year. Because, like I said, she was literally a beauty queen. It's 90 percent bikini contest. In the entertainment industry, you're selling an image of a woman, not an actual woman. (Selling an actual woman would be white slavery.) Clinton nailed the anti-Latino and the anti-women checkboxes by bringing her up--let's not kid ourselves as to what she was doing during the debates. Live with that, feminazis.

Donald Trump was never going to win. He'd failed on every barometer in which we measure Presidential candidates except for being a rich white guy. Still, Trump's defense for his past and current statements includes claiming his golf buddy Bill Clinton has said worst things about women. Let's stop and consider that: His defense is that he plays golf with men who are more terrible than he is. (Also, Trump's accusers aren't even that hot, so why would he sexually harass them? Trump's defense for sexual harassment includes more sexual harassment.) This is a little incredible.... Because women love it when you try to tie them to their husbands' worst behavior. Really it's like Trump has never spoken to a woman.

Trump isn't entirely wrong. Bill Clinton was accused of sexual harassment multiple times--and he did commit sexual harassment by receiving "sex" from that intern--and he is now our greatest living President. FDR had affairs. JFK banged an intern. Thomas Jefferson RAPED A SLAVE. Meanwhile, Barack Obama has apparently always been faithful to Michelle, and his presidential successes include a healthcare program that most Americans don't want and congratulating Caitlyn Jenner on calling himself a woman. Perhaps we should not gauge a man's intelligence or leadership ability based on whether he's made women uncomfortable.

Trump's success has been based on, well, family money.... Then luck.... Then by seizing business opportunities when he discovers them. You're not going to get laid standing in a corner waiting for it. Nice guys finish last. You must grab life by the pussy. When you don't grab life by the pussy, you end up a 34-year-old blogger who still lives with his mother--like this guy I knew from high school.

You shouldn't not vote for Trump because he likes attractive women. You shouldn't not vote for Trump because of the rumors of sexual harrasement--some decades old. You should not not vote for Trump because he used the term "nasty woman." You should not vote for Trump because he's unqualified for the most important job in the world. Trump makes George W. Bush look like an elder statesman, bring class and dignity wherever he went. Trump has shown himself to be a pathological liar--and a man who's mental state has led to major newspapers endorsing a Democrat for the first time. Some people do not belong in the boardroom. Whether we want to hire this person, we should just ignore gender and acknowledge that a person cannot do this job. This is not discrimination. This is common sense.

If women want to exist in the political realm, they have to accept these petty personal attacks--especially once they dare to attack a man's personal appearance. Trump's hair is ridiculous--we all see it--but Rosie O'Donnell was wrong to point that out. If you want to dish it out, you should also be able to take it. Although the Trump campaign lowered the bar, the Clinton campaign and their surrogates have descended into the level of high school girls' locker room experience, saying what Trump has said about women--stripped of the statements' contexts. Nasty women, indeed.

Hillary, like a true feminist, has never allowed a single man to tell her what to think. First she takes a poll of a thousand Americans, then she decides what she believes. Let it be known that a woman isn't about to win the presidency; a man is about to lose the presidency. Billie Jean King did not beat Bobby Riggs because she was objectively the world's greatest tennis player; she beat him because she was a young athlete at the top of her game, and he was a middle-aged borderline alcoholic who stopped training. King won; the female species did not. Hillary will be one of our worst Presidents. You can take bets on that. Still, it is better to have a slug beholden to the American people than a delusional with a clear-eyed vision of how he would run things.

Apple and Pixel Co-Founder Steve Jobs had what was semi-comically referred to as a "reality-distortion field." He would make an inaccurate or implausible statement so much that not only did he believe it to be true, but his belief would alter reality around him. Impossible deadlines were made. All because the boss made shit up. However Jobs actually posted results. Jobs ran successful businesses. Jobs was a billionaire. And, most importantly, Jobs never attempted to enter politics, where responsible journalists would question his bizarre behavior.

While talking about reality-distortion fields, Trump and his surrogates are claiming that the election will be rigged. As if Democrats have been behind attempts to shutdown early voting, pass voter ID laws, limit the number of polling places. In 2003, a top executive for the company that made a lions share of voting machines, Warden O'Dell, penned a letter pledging his commitment “to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the President [Bush].”  (I'm not even making this up; the board chairman and chief executive of Diebold announced that they were going to help give the election to Bush in 2004. Coincidence? Probably.) Republicans controlled the presidency in 20 of the 28 years between 1980-2008. If Democrats could rig elections, why did Al Gore lose by a few hundred votes in Florida in 2000? Why did the presidency of Bush the Sequel even happen? Liberals just aren't that great at rigging elections. The exact opposite is true: If Trump wins, it will be proof that the polls are rigged. There's no indication that Trump will win. His victory will mean that math, as a concept, is wrong. I'm going to go with the likelihood that math is still correct and the Trump campaign staff are updating their CVs while rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.

(Who should you vote for? It's up to you. I'm personally looking at Cobra Commander. He'll actually build that wall and bring in colorful characters into government.)